I must admit to having read and liked all four of the Twilight books. However, the books have since been ruined by obsessive fangirls also known as Twitards. Yes, the Twitards who have denigrated into this macabre cult worshipping at the feet of Stephanie Meyer. "I'm in love with Edward/ Jacob/ my own self-indulgence" proclaim most of the 'Tards; forever cementing in my mind gross images of *insert character here* and *insert self-proclaimed dumbass here*.  Meyer herself even knew these kinds of criticisms were coming.  She said in an interview with MTV that
'You see the punch coming; that doesn't mean it's not going to hurt when it hits."  Of course it will hurt her feelings that her wet dream boyfriend of the "perfect marble" features and zero personality is getting slammed.  There is even a ludicrous petition circulating the internet asking people to sign up for the injustice against Stephanie Meyer and her "marvelous" books.  Apparently Meyer is unable to defend herself and her crappy work and therefore her rabid fans must help her out.  I especially loved the comments about Stephen King and his reaction to her novels.  My favorite among all of them was undoubtedly that Stephen King was "just jelous". Oh, yes.  That is a fucking convincing argument in your favor.  Even with spell check you are so inept that you cannot even defend the author of the linguistically deficient quartet.  There was only one other comment I was particularly horrified about and feel the need to share.  This person felt that Stephan King must be jealous because "Stephanie Meyer had movies made about her books and could this dude say that?" Oh. My. God. Really?  I was completely unaware the average reader of 'Twilight' was so completely uninformed; this asshole was seconded by several others who wanted to know why Stephen King had the right to judge Stephanie Meyer.  Why yes, Stephen King has had several books made into movies and has been on the bestsellers list more times than Meyer could ever dream.  And, for those of you (I know you're there) who believe because I haven't written a book that I'm unqualified to make judgments 1. Fuck off and 2. I'm as qualified to critique as Meyer is to write.  I'm only going to assess Edward, Mary Sue (oops sorry, I mean Bella), and Jacob.  Why? The other characters are actually interesting and have more depth than the main characters; she should have written about them instead.  I know more about Sam and Leah and care more about their characters than I do about the main characters because they are so flat.  

The quartet is based on the ludicrous relationship between Bella and Edward.  The basis for the relationship is "love" but an unsubstantiated love. There is no reason for the two characters to be so deeply in love with one another right away.  Except for maybe Edward, who must really love his food.  Bella, however, fell in love with him immediately.  Apparently all you need to do to achieve everlasting love is to be rude to someone for about a week, tell them you are absolutely the worst thing possible for them, and then when they hand you a relationship on a silver platter, reluctantly accept the offer.  Declaring yourself as an asshole seems to be the way to acquire a "love" that will last until the end of time or some romantic bullshit like that.  There aren't any reasons for this miraculous relationship to even exist, other than a love with no real basis.  The author does not give any rationale, save for Edward's cold marble skin and topaz eyes, for Bella to be in love with him.  There is nothing written about his personality or wit; valid reasons why Bella would stay with him are absent. Bella is constantly injured by the relationship and Edward is tortured by her "yummy" fragrance.  This fabulous love story is just a cycle of masochism perpetuated by both Bella and Edward.

Bella like so many other Mary Sues before her is "practically perfect in every way".  She is not Mary Fucking Poppins!  This is supposed to be the life of a real person whose only real fault is clumsiness.  That clumsiness miraculously disappears when she becomes a vampire in the fourth book, making her even more of a Mary Sue.  In the beginning of the first book, Mary comments that she has trouble expressing her emotions like her father. That does not, however, happen to be the case.  She is very vocal about exactly what it is she is feeling and frequently expresses herself out loud.  Mary then goes on, in the same chapter, to describe her mother as being able to read her like an "open book". Those two statements are entirely contradictory; one cannot be easily readable and have difficulty expressing emotions.  If you have difficulty expressing your emotions, other people cannot read your expressions easily.  Forks welcomes Bella with open arms, which is a bit strange.  These people don't know her despite her being there for a couple of summers in the past and yet she fits in easily.  Most small towns, however, would not welcome anyone so introverted as she first appeared so easily.  It might take a few days, at least, to be invited to lunch with everyone else and most of them would just stare at her for a while.  Mary gets invited to lunch and introduced around on her very first day. Several of the boys already have "noticed" her and she has no trouble relating to any of these people from a very small town despite the big city living to which she had been accustomed.  Edward cannot help but notice Mary's tasty self and immediately runs away from her.  Mary must have a little predator in her as well, because she immediately chases after him.  And of course, despite his unmistakable aversion to her, Mary gains a relationship with him.  When Edward leaves, Bella is so devastated that she spends several months walking around like some kind of zombie.  She is only revived by the possible notion that she could leave her wallowing behind and join her mother.  But no, she chooses to pitch a fit and stay where she has been so miserably unhappy because she is "self-sacrificing". What kind of bullshit is that? Few people, let alone teenagers have that kind of ability to ignore their own desires in favor of someone else.  This idea that Bella is so "self-sacrificing" is ridiculous, she isn't.  Bella only wants to stay in Forks because it is her only connection to her lost love.  She is a self-serving narcissistic bitch.  There is a slew of dangerous and stupid behavior which she engages in because she feels as if Edward is with her.  She foolishly leaps off a cliff and nearly drowns.  If there had been any justice in the world, she would have drowned.  Mary eschews the company of her friends in favor of staying with Jacob, who really loves her, so that she can meet her narcissistic needs.  She doesn't seem to function well unless she is surrounded by people who constantly tell her she is wonderful; Jacob fulfills this need in Edwards's absence.  

Because of Bella's selfish and dangerous behavior, Alice (far more interesting than Mary) "sees" Mary jump off the cliff and thinks Bella has killed herself.  Edward then tries to off himself, which would have done the world a favor, and succeeds only in bringing more danger to Bella.  She is repeatedly injured by their relationship and persists in loving someone who only wants to push her away.  Edward is just a self-loathing masochist as evidenced by his inability to stay away from someone who by her very nature is tortuous to be around.  He completely lacks any depth of character.  The only thing you know about Edward is his ability to withstand physical and emotional pain.  While these are interesting character traits, they are the only ones Edward has except for his physical attributes.  Meyer's description of Edward consists solely of various ways of rephrasing his "cold marble features", "cool skin", and "topaz eyes". We don't know or care what Edward is thinking or feeling because only his exterior is important in Meyer's view.  I was so bored with Edward by the end of the first book; I almost hoped he would off himself just to give the book a little pizzazz.  Yes, he can read minds but he doesn't seem to do anything with that knowledge.  There are no stories of a youthful vampire running around doing funny/stupid things with his ability.  Edward is very monochromatic; he doesn't feel anything or emote.  Even Alice manages to have fun with her ability, and I know more about her than I do Edward.  He is so responsible with Bella and "chooses" to leave the love of his life by herself because he is so bad for her.  What kind of asshole leaves the person that loves him and that he professes to love?  Love is a rare commodity, although apparently not that rare in Meyer's land because Edward's vampire family members each have their own soul mate.  Edward throws away his chance for that kind of love by leaving Bella when he could have just transformed her into a vampire.  They then miraculously have a relationship yet again.  God!  Meyer couldn't be fucking original to save her life.  The heroine stays with the guy she starts out with instead of forming new relationships.  Edward manages to wrestle Mary to the altar and then promptly impregnates her, going against all shape and form of any vampire lore.  Not to mention the freaking sparkly part.  Argh.  With all the vampire lore there is in existence, Meyer chooses to completely ignore her predecessors by creating her own version of a vampire.  However, any predator that sparkled in sunlight wouldn't last all that long.  This idea that the vampires can go out on cloudy days is farcical.  There isn't a lot of sunlight filtering through the clouds but it isn't completely dark either, so why wouldn't they have some sort of glow about them?  Nothing is mentioned about that.  They are pale but not "glowy".  How could a vampire impregnate anyone?  (If I see one fucking Twitard write about magic, I will come through the internet and smite the ever living shit out of you!)  Vampires are dead and therefore the swimmers should be dead as well; that doesn't seem to be the case with Edward's strong spectacular super sperm.   Together the two manage spawn and produce a soul mate for Jacob.

Jacob starts out as a relatively normal character with a great deal of charisma and is fairly interesting.  When he speaks about the legends of his people, foreshadowing his own wolfy transformation, you can sense his cynicism and disbelief in the tales.  There is a large amount of detail put into his character which Edward lacks.  Bella would have been better off with Jacob despite the age difference.  Jacob is mistakenly in love with Mary, who only has room in her heart for Edward, and he helps her recover from her zombie-like depression.  He is charming and easily converses with Bella's social group. Edward cannot converse easily with anyone other than his family and Bella.  With a little bastardization of several different werewolf legends, Meyer comes up with the werewolves who start their transformations based upon the presence of vampires.  Still interesting, but a little lame considering how long the vampires would have had to be there for such extensive legends and the relatively new presence of the vampire family.  Generally small town people tend to remember the people who currently or previously lived in the town, yet there are no comments from town members about the family or their familiarity with them.  None of the elderly people in the town remember the eternally youthful family from previous visits?  Very unlikely.  Jacob becomes a werewolf, thanks to the Cullen family, and turns away from Bella who consorts with the evil vampires.  Of course, he almost immediately goes back to her because he cares for her but since he is now a wolf he is no longer in love with her.  How convenient….  Jacob does not imprint on Mary despite his "love" for her and instead becomes a pedophile falling in love with an infant.  He isn't the only one either; another of his compatriots is also in love with a toddler.  Meyer takes yet another great concept and shits on it.  From werewolves to pedophiles, Jacob and his companions quickly become less interesting.  There isn't much to romantically love in an infant and yet Jacob falls for Renesmee.  Infants can be somewhat loveable (ish) however this is taking pedophilia to a whole new level.  Gross.  Don't even get me started on the infant's preposterous name which even the 'Tards cannot spell and don't bother to look up.

As another disappointed reader from amazon.com said, perhaps we should just return all the books.  Although I'm generally opposed to book burning, this book certainly deserves the ignominy.  However, if you've already bought the book and aren't sure what to do with it, return it to the store.  Any unused copies will be returned to the publisher and it ensures that Meyer will not earn any royalties from the hateful works of fiction.  I kept an open mind and read all four books and I will admit that they showed great potential. They never reached that potential due to lack of any kind of depth in the characters.  I hope that Meyer sues her University for allowing her to produce such trite, terrible pieces of shit with the education she received.